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Earlier than we get into this, let’s get one factor out of the best way. Everyone knows the again seats of the Subaru BRZ are comically small. They had been created in a world for individuals with out legs and a head and meant principally to be a spot to throw used Juul pods. I do know this. You realize this. Nonetheless, there are three individuals who didn’t know this till yesterday.
Meet Patrick, Nitant and Brian. They’re three full-sized grownup males who additionally occur to be my associates. One factor is essential to find out about them: they know nothing about vehicles. In actual fact, solely one among them has his driver’s license, and he received it a few month in the past.
So, you’ll be able to think about their shock after I pulled up within the BRZ that I’m testing and informed them to get in. At first they didn’t imagine me that it was a 4 seater, however regardless of. They received in. That was the simple half. What adopted received a lot, a lot worse.
You see, three out of 4 of us are over six ft tall. Solely poor Pat is beneath that quantity, coming in at 5’8”. We’re massive lads. That’s simply the best way it’s. Like I mentioned, getting in was simple sufficient. However after we needed to push the seats again so as to sit within the entrance, there was a problem. We couldn’t all match… which led to some positions which might be solely appropriate for the Kama Sutra for Pat and Nitant (the backseat passengers) to take. No matter, we’re in, and the door is closed.
Everybody all the time talks about how ridiculously small the again seats of this automotive are, however nobody actually goes the space in testing it out. I like my associates, however not sufficient to maintain them from feeling ache.
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About two minutes into our drive, with Patrick’s knee someplace close to my left ear, he reviews that his complete leg has fully fallen asleep. Nitant, on the identical time, says that his neck is starting to harm as a result of his noggin is pressed up in opposition to the rear glass. Not too lengthy after that, Brian additionally begins to complain about how his foot is rising a bit numb because of the reality it’s jammed up in opposition to the firewall within the passenger’s footwell. However regardless, we should press on.
At this level you’re in all probability questioning the place we had been going that made all of this value it. Nicely, surprise no extra. We had been going to an Outback Steakhouse. None of us had been to at least one in over a decade, so we figured now was pretty much as good a time as ever to take a look at what it’s all about. Spoiler alert: I received ferocious heartburn.
Anyway, again to the automotive. And once more, everyone knows the again seats are cramped.
The boys’ limbs had lastly gone fully numb after we pulled into the Edgewater, New Jersey parking zone the place our ode to Australian meats awaited us. That is the place issues received enjoyable.
I, as a result of I’m the driving force and likewise the primary character, had my seat almost in my regular driving place the entire time, so I used to be roughly positive. However, when the fellas received out of the automotive — which was an extremely sluggish course of — their true battle wounds started to point out. All three of them walked by means of the parking zone with pronounced limps, shaking their legs and arms in an try and regain any form of significant blood circulation.
We went inside, loved our 5/10 meals (they had been out of potatoes for some purpose) after which got here to the conclusion that we must try this journey as soon as once more.
Too unhealthy for them.
You see, that is what we do right here at Jalopnik. Everybody else will inform you the again seats of the Subaru BRZ are small, however solely we are able to inform you with full certainty that the again seats of a Subaru BRZ are so small that your folks will all develop limps and be pressured to eat Bloomin’ Onions.
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