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When you’re a people music aficionado, you may be conversant in this line: “Talking strictly for me, we each may have died then and there.”
It is from singer-songwriter Joan Baez’s 1975 track “Diamonds and Rust,” extensively regarded as impressed by Baez’s relationship with Bob Dylan. And in response to bestselling creator Susan Cain, it holds the important thing to creating tough conversations quite a bit simpler.
The creator appeared on Simon Sinek’s “A Little bit of Optimism” podcast final month to debate her newest e-book, “Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Makes Us Complete,” which focuses on the ability of a bittersweet, melancholic mind-set.
The track’s lyrics definitely qualify as bittersweet, however the line’s most rhetorically helpful side is extra about that line’s first 4 phrases, Cain stated: “Talking strictly for me.”
Sinek backed her up: “Are you able to think about if each opinion that somebody expressed, political or in any other case, began with ‘Talking strictly for me?’ How disarming that’s, but in addition how open-minded that’s.”
That straightforward phrase does a number of key issues without delay, by Cain and Sinek’s estimation — all of which may help when navigating tough conversations.
For starters, it mirrors the oft-recommended “I” over “you” statements that relationship counselors speak about. Typically, “I” statements — like “I really feel” and “I feel” — are seen as soliciting extra optimistic responses than accusatory “you” statements, although there’s some debate to the idea’s one-size-fits-all effectiveness.
“When you say ‘I really feel this fashion,’ it is heard in a significantly better means than ‘You at all times do that,'” Cain stated. “‘Talking strictly for me’ is one other model … of an ‘I’ assertion.”
Due to that, the phrase can put a listener relaxed. “Their shoulders loosen up as quickly as they hear that phrase,” Cain stated. “Nothing precisely is required of me proper now. All I’ve to do is hear.”
Equally, utilizing “talking strictly for me” gives the particular person you are speaking to with a condensed instruction guide on the way you need them to reply, Sinek stated.
“When we now have a tough dialog with any person the place we want them to carry house, there’s an expectation that they’ve the talent set on the right way to maintain house,” he stated. “After I say ‘Talking strictly for me,’ I am giving them directions and clues on the right way to maintain house.”
Lastly, the phrase may help in conversations the place each persons are a minimum of partially “proper.” By making your aspect of the argument clear, saying “talking strictly for me,” may help embody a few of that grey space.
“What [the phrase] does is … it permits a dialog of bitterness, unhappiness, hardness, it permits these conversations to be obtained as they’re meant,” Sinek stated, reasonably than as accusations or judgments.
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